if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
