A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
