I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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