did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to make a zoo with you.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
