If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
