Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
