Taylor Swift is so right about you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
