i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
