just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize