Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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