Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
