Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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