Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
