I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
