you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize