but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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