You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
