Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize