the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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