drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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