he shaved USA in his pubs
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As shirtless as possible
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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