i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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