3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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