white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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