Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
