I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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