you told grandpa to call you daddy
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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