dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
