He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
