I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
