I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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