I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
