i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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