She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my sisters under your porch take her home
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
