I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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