She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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