I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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