There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
