I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
