Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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