The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
