my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
