no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize