i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
