Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
