Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
