At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
