Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
