Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My feet surprised me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize