I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
