took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
