that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
