She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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