I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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