Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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