And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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