just come out here and I will go home with you...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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