failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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