so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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