i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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