You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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