Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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