You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
