A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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