Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
