"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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