belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
