Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
