dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
