the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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