Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
