so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
